Fake Holidays: Cinco De Mayo

May 5, 2021
Updated June 17, 2021

The Left is always busy with “reimagining” every aspect of life on Earth. Whether it’s words in a dictionary (and particularly pronouns,) a family trip in a car, plane or boat, or even the very holidays we might celebrate, the authoritarian nature of their hive mind requires we pay regular tribute to their ever expanding range of demands.

Nearly every American Holiday amounts to a “micro-aggression,” if not outright warfare, against the narrow views of a leftist zealot. If there’s an exception, it might be New Years Day, but even that has some competition with the Lunar New Year which remains an important rite of Traditional Chinese Culture.

When it comes to the rest, the “observed holidays” are now too numerous to name, so we shall focus on the legitimate American before branching out into the numerous counter-holidays in a subsequent coming article.

Everything but New Years has been usurped or replaced by Leftist Alternative Counter-Holidays

Most growing up in America were more than pleased to participate in festivities long associated with Cinco De Mayo without giving much thought to the origin of the holiday, nor crippled with any guilt over the new “cultural appropriation” concerns now imposed by the angry Marxist left.

We’d all gladly don our sombrero’s, order up some tasty tacos at our nearest Casa de Restaurant and wash it down with however many pitchers of delicious and nutritious “healing power of the cactus” based beverages from specialty glasses with salted rim.

Only much later in life did any of us learn of the history of Cinco De Mayo and its significance (or lack thereof) to the people of Mexico.

FakeMex Beto proves that the Irish Americans also hold a special and dear place in their heart for the Cinco De Mayo celebration.

The French had lent the Mexican government some money under the idea that it might be, at some point paid back in accordance with the terms of the corresponding paperwork. A movement was growing in Mexico that’s much like today’s “erase college debt” being championed by school brats and the elite that manipulate their brains (at the very college they squandered borrowed money.)

As the popularity of “erasing debt” caught on, the Mexican Officials found that they had better things to spend someone else’s money they collected in taxes than fulfilling promises to snobby Frenchmen.

And so, they resolved to exempt themselves from the repayment clause on their contract.

As one might guess, this was found displeasing to the French, since they had plenty of their own problems of getting adequate cake to their weary and hungry masses. And so they made a call to their collection agency (French Military troops) to pay Mexico with a friendly visit.

The Mexican government realized that they had the home court advantage, and offered repayment in the form of flying projectiles which left the French reeling in one of their many cases of post Napoleon humiliation.

The man famous for cutting up the credit cards, Dave Ramsey, generally recommends the more responsible manner of resolving debt that involves hard work, planning and repayment of any loans.

And so, somebody had the idea that this might be counted as the closest thing to Mexico’s own “Independence Day,” and the sort that only Dave Ramsey could truly appreciate.

Some began to see that having a “Mexican Independence Day” might be counted as odd as celebration of Fourth of July in Mexico. It was only much more recently, in the course of taking holiday at a beautiful Cabo resort, that it would revealed to be even more ridiculous.

Upon arriving at the beautiful Rio, another guest rolled in with their suit cases in tow to attend to the formalities of checking in. Upon completing their transaction, the tall and overtly American man queried, “So, what do you guys do around here for Cinco de Mayo?” The hotel staffer returned, rather awkwardly, “uh… we don’t really celebrate that here.”

That’s when it became clear to my own mind that Cinco de Mayo was more strictly an “F U to 4th of July” kind of holiday that was as unique to America as low riders (which also basically do not and never had existed in Mexico.)

I had however learned that the French have also developed an odd attachment to the holiday, perhaps for its significance to a long history of surrender at the end of however many lost battles.

Ultimately, most of us are quite willing to retain the fun and festive Cinco de Mayo as our own American Holiday (since that’s pretty much what it is,) but alas, the BLM bowel movement has ruined it. They are so busy promoting the inane concept that “culture” is a proprietary property owned collectively based on complexion and origin, that an America today can barely raise a margarita glass without being accused of a form of “theft” the Marxists call “cultural appropriation.”

And if that all seems confusing, the “no win” aspect of their Marxist notions is largely by design.

And of course the recent effective death of the annual Cinco de Mayo celebrations that remain, mostly an (United States of) American tradition, the same Marxists claim another victory as they slide in their extremely vile and anti-American holiday, “Juneteenth” as the latest “F. U. to 4th of July holiday” and America.

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